unassuming grace

wednesday 3.12p afternoon

i had a meeting with a gordon college counselor. at college i am surrounded by peers, but lack generational wisdom. i think i was hoping to find some of that there. I went in hopeful, still with my concerns. concerned that I would get just one more opinion to have to sort through. concerned that I would get a list of solutions that wouldn’t work and that I didn’t want. but mostly concerned that i would be found guilty, that my shame would show. that i would be responsible for more than i could bear or ever measure up to.

i was met with quite a surprise - unassuming grace. i received the most welcoming and understanding listening ear i have ever experienced in my life. there was not an ounce of judgment or presumption. I was not looked at through someones past experiences, nor by some lofty expectations, but looked at for myself, who i am, and who i am in Christ. can i just say how freeing that was!

have you ever had someone listen and speak to you with such dignity before? it is so honoring. i was certainly held responsible and accountable. i am an autonomous adult and had to step up and hold the measure of my actions. but i was allowed to freedom to feel, to think, to be wronged, and also to be trusted.

i think thats what the feeling was. i have been trusted. my word has been trusted.

this meeting with a campus counselor has done a lot to my heart. in the same way i experienced freedom in the presence of this human counselor, we have freedom to be in the presence of our Heavenly Counselor. oh yes. all that shame we experience, all that guilt, all of the burdens of proof weighing us down, that is not from Him. He is our wonderful counselor (is9.6). He listens with a tender and loving ear (ps5.3). He is patient with us (ex34.6). He is trusting of us. He knows our true nature and He is still trusting of us.

I have no reason to let shame build an expansive chasm between me and the Lover of my soul. He knows and trusts me, my word, and my heart. His holy Son is living in me, His spirit is in me, and He is the hope of my glory (col1.27). God looks down and I am covered by the blood of the lamb. you are covered by the blood of the lamb (1pet1). and we are trusted by the all-knowing King of the universe.

this says something about who I am, as the one He counsels. He sees me not as mostly a sinner. No. i am mostly loved and trusted by God. i am not mostly a mistake maker, mostly a liar, mostly a hurter, i am mostly loved and trusted by my wonderful counselor. and i can rise to that.

and just as i am mostly loved and trusted, i must also mostly love and trust. yes, i am mostly a lover and a truster. though so much of my nature does not want to trust or love, it is coming. and the more i believe that i am mostly a lover and the truster, that i am mostly loved and trusted, the more i will live that reality.

so all of this comes down to, God trusts me. the Holy God of the universe trusts and loves and does not condemn me. He absolutely holds me responsible. oh he most certainly holds me accountable. but he does not cast me down and hold me to my shame.

my challenge from this experience has been to in the same way that the Wonderful Counselor loves and trusts me - to love and trust those around me. He asks me to listen to others with the same unassuming grace he has given me. what a love that would be, to love with unassuming graciousness!

grace,

kg

hello good friend...

so i have decided to start this up again.

if you don't already know, i am at gordon college in Mass, near boston. what that really means is that I am about 1,000 away from home. and what that really means is Kate needs a lot of Jesus.

this is a different season in my life. i don't exactly know when it started. but i would like to call this season :: restoration number 2

recently has been a time of difficulties and struggles on every front. but the Lord has given me joy instead of despair, has taken my mourning and turned it into dancing (jer 31.13). i am loving the rest and satisfaction of his presence and i am seeking more and more of our beautiful God. the trials have thrown me at His feet, and i find that i like it here. this is where i want to stay. this is where i want to be. he is restoring me to the joy of my salvation (ps 51)

for the second time, because this process of restoration began at the Honor Academy. funny that the lessons i thought i learned really only comprised the preface to the chapter book called life.

my hope is that this humble blog will be a place that the springs of Living Water poured on me may overflow onto the ones that i love, and that He loves even more (john 4.14). In Him may you never thirst again. be blessed and seek the Lord. He is good and loves you faithfully.

kg